I enjoy going out with my guy friends from college, because they think I am way more awesome than I actually am, especially when it comes to running (ok, well really only when it comes to running). I like to tell them about my latest feat (I do run a lot, however I am not exactly Flo Jo) and they are impressed because it’s more physical activity than they do in about three months combined. So last night, a friend was telling me how he tried to run this week (I’m going to take full responsibility for this even though I am sure my influence had absolutely nothing to do with it) and he absolutely hated it. Well, I was shocked. What? You hate running? Who are you?! This, however is not uncommon amongst Americans, New Yorkers, whoever. It wasn’t until this morning at the godforsaken hour of 9am that it dawned on me why people might hate running, or perhaps not the activity but the person itself: runners (shudder). Come, follow.
1. Runners are realllyyy happy all the time. I think the day this happens to me I will consider myself a real runner, right now I think I have to call myself a faux runner. A friend and I were doing a race in Central Park this morning, both slightly hungover, trying to stretch and not vomit at the same time. It was gross out. There was about 96% humidity in the air and it was cloudy (however if you checked Weather.com, they seemed to think it was 65 degrees and sunny…a holes). As we looked around, everyone was so damn happy. People were smiling and excited to run and carpe diem and all that other ish. It was mind boggling. And truth be told, I do enjoy to jog it up—especially after you finish and you feel like a bad ass, but I could see how the average human would disapprove of this behavior.
2. Runners love weather challenges. About 30 seconds before the race started, it began to downpour. Rain falling out of the sky, and people were laughing with glee. They loved it! Now, this part I didn’t love…I feel like we got up at the crack of dawn, the weather gods should be kind to us. Again, I could see how the average person doing the walk of shame home, watching 3,000 runners laugh about rain while standing in the middle of it would be baffled.
3. No matter how in shape you are, someone is always in better shape than you. A roommate in college told me that she hated going to the gym because she was forced to be on a machine next to a “little blonde twit who ran at 7.0 for three hours.” Not exactly what one would call encouragement. This is true even for die hard runners. The man who won the race this morning ran 6.2 miles in TWENTY SEVEN MINUTES. I will not even tell you where I was on the course at the 27 minute mark, but it certainly was not at the finish line. How this freak of nature did this, I will never know…but I am starting to think that the New York Road Runners should do steroid testings before these things…it’s only fair.
4. Non runners are jealous of how much people who run can eat and not gain weight. I actually have no idea if this is true or not, but this is 98% of the reason why I run so much. It’s great. And if I didn’t run, this is why I would be the most annoyed.