Happy Friday! Though it isn’t a happy Friday for poor Blair Waldorf—home girl has a sex tape out! I don’t fully understand why people make sex tapes…like, are they that good at it they want to tape themselves and watch it again and again. And, when exactly are they watching it? Do they sit down on the couch with their significant other, some popcorn and matching Snuggies to check themselves out for 20 minutes? It all sounds a bit narcissistic to me.
Also, and not to go into graphic detail here but the average human while err, performing with their partner probably does not look all that great. Think of the weird faces you’ve seen in your lifetime while having sex with someone, why on Earth would you want to put that on film?! I would be so self conscious and therefore would probably just lie there and try to smile at the camera as to not scar myself for life later when watching. That sounds like fun…not.
And really Blair, what would Eleanor think? We all know Serena probably helped you set up the camera, but c’mon B, you’re a Waldorf…have a little dignity. You don’t even need that kind of publicity! This sounds like an out lash Jenny Humphrey would do or perhaps Nellie Yuki to get Dan to notice her. But no, surely we did not expect this from you. Have we not learned from Ri Ri. You just better hope Gossip Girl doesn’t get a hold of this ish…it’s going to be all over the place. Chuck Bass will probably live stream it from his suite and he sits in the corner and cries, drying his tears with his checkered scarf.
On another note of people getting publicity for doing absolutely nothing is Melissa Rycroft, the once scorned chosen one to later get dumped on national television by The Bachelor. Rycroft is set to do an eight gig stint on GMA as a contributor. What she’ll be contributing I am not quite sure. How to dance while holding pom-poms? How to get dumped gracefully?
Sources say she will also be traveling for the show to do fun, light hearted pieces. I’m sure all of the struggling journalists trying to get jobs in this market (present company included) love this. Does she even have a journalism degree? And if you have to be embarrassed publicly in order to get somewhere in life you can find me at the bar tonight, groping a stranger claiming he is the father of my unborn child. I just hope Barbara Walters is watching when it happens.