I Didn’t Know They Gave Rings Out in the Holocaust?

You know, I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for Lilo. The poor girl becomes a lesbian and then gets her little heart trampled all over; it just makes me want to weep. I also feel bad for her tanning spray Sevin Nyne and the fact that she thinks the number “9” is spelled Nyne…it’s just tragic.

But no more will I lie awake at night fretting over Lindsay, no! She has done the unthinkable…turned down the role of Jade the stripper in The Hangover aka the greatest movie ever made.

According to Us Weekly, “director Todd Phillips approached Lohan to star in the hit flick — which has raked in $205 million so far — after their mutual agent campaigned on the actress’ behalf.”

“The agent tried hard to get Phillips to consider her,” says the source, “and when he finally agreed, Lindsay said she didn’t like the script!”

Seriously?! SERIOUSLY!? You lack intelligence, I’m sorry, there’s just no other way to put it. And even if you didn’t think the movie would be funny, why would you not want to spend months rubbing your Sevin Nyne tanner on Bradley Cooper’s chest? Lesbian or not, he is a fine piece and you know it.

I’d like to dwell more on this, but I have to go grovel for employment. So instead, I leave you with Stu’s song, a beautiful melodious piece about love, life and the pursuit of Doug.

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