My Husband Joe is Delicious and Juicy

My heart is breaking for my biffers the Real Housewives of New Jersey! Just breaking! I haven’t been this upset since yesterday, when the Today show told me Betty White died and it wasn’t true! Whew, that was a close call…I was about one pinky toe away from letting go of the ledge. Anywho, RHoNJ…sigh, ok.

Popsquire, a Z list gossip blog (what would I know about that? Pssh nothing, that’s what) reported that Bravo has no love when it comes to my favorite armpit of the United States. In fact, they feel that New Jersey should have to pay them when it comes to filming in their beautiful, trash ridden state.

So what happened is that while Teresa was running around naked in her French chateau-esque house (because you just can’t do that in Manhattan), and Joe was busy making his daily dose of Muscle Milk, someone dug through T’s trash can and unearthed the Housewives contract with Bravo regarding their show.

Unlike most other reality shows, the contract doesn’t require Bravo to pay the ladies for their appearances. Well, the nerve! Those bubbies don’t pay for themselves I will let you know. In addition, the Housewives have to pay Bravo 10% of any and all income related to the show for up to FOUR YEARS after the last episode of the series airs. This could be why we don’t see these ladies out in public; they are sitting on their asses at home so they can hold on to their mob charity money.

However, Bravo does throw them a bone. They don’t film them peeing, showering or having sex.  On behalf of the human race Bravo, I thank you.

Some poor intern had to scan the entire trash infested document onto the Internet, so here it is. I especially enjoy clause 9g:

“I and others may reveal or relate information of a personal, private, surprising, defamatory, disparaging, embarrassing or unfavorable nature that may be factual or fictional.” AKA If you are not that interesting, feel free to make some shit up (cough cough, Danielle).

“My appearance, depiction, and portrayal in connection with the Series and my actions and the actions of others in connection with the Series, may be disparaging, defamatory, embarrassing or of an otherwise unfavorable nature, may expose me to public ridicule, humiliation or condemnation, and may portray me in false light” (Danielle, pumpkin, next time read the fine print).

Basically, Bravo is saying we are going to make assholes out of all of you, and you are just going to have to suck it up. The contract also states that anyone who signs it is in good physical, mental and emotional health. I mean, really? Do they think we watch them because they are in good mental and emotional help? No, we watch because they are train wrecks.  No wonder the husbands were MIA, I don’t think their mob bosses would want the business portrayed in “false light.”

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