Open Letter to Jill Zarin

Dear Jill Zarin,

I have a bone to pick with you. A little birdie told me you were spotted noshing with angry tiger t-shirt man himself Jon Gosselin, and his flavor of the week Star reporter Katie Major. JILLIAN! You know about the Hamptons girl, people talk!

But first, before we even get to Jon, let’s talk about your host for the evening—Michael Lohan. Really, Jill? Is there is no one else to hang out with in the Hamptons this week or something? And the conversation at dinner:

“He talks about them. He’s on the phone with them all the time,” said Lohan to People about Jon’s kids. “But unfortunately, as I well know, being a father in a divorce, it’s really hard on the kids. And you just want to be with them all the time. But sometimes our exes don’t make it that easy.”

Jillian, you realize this man went to jail for stock fraud right? Oh and then twice more for violation probation. Lord, the man has been to his regular jail cell probably more than he has used his Hamptons McMansion. Is this the kind of people you want to be associated with Jill? No, I didn’t think so. I’m all for a free meal, but the Housewives are not going to like this. I can already see Ramona’s eyes bulging out of her head as she stammers about now.

Now, on to Jon. How would you feel if Bobby just abandoned you and young Ali with her juvenile arthritis so that he could go relive the youth he never had.  I don’t think you would like that. I’m sure you put in a lot of work to land husband #2 along with your safe full of exquisite jewels.  Yet, even though your judgment may be skewed in terms of your dinner party companions, you never cease to amaze me with your words of wisdom.

“He didn’t seem smitten. They weren’t all over each other. But they’re definitely dating. It came up in conversation. She had her hands on him. But she’s young. This is a girl who is going to want to have babies. Does he really want to go out with another young girl and have kids?”

Truer words were never spoken.

But next time Jill, before you go to a dinner party please do a little Googling on your dinner party cohorts. I’d expect this from Bobby, after all he did befriend Mario when he was clearly making you upset about the tennis match of the century, but you—never. You know better. And where was Bethenny? I hope you didn’t replace her as your Biffer-she needs your help planning the wedding! Don’t turn your back on us now for the perks of Hollywood, Bravo we need you. I’m already debating taking my velvet curtains from Zarin fabrics back to the store after this little show you put on. I can’t have curtains that come from people who associate with these walks of life hanging in my room, oh no.

Hugs and Kisses,

C

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