I Just Threw Up in My Mouth


WTF EW OMG LOL BRB TTYL. WHATTTTTT is going on Madonna? I just threw up in my mouth looking at this picture. The Daily Mail, ever so witty posted this picture of Madonna out in London today and said if she decides to end her singing career, she could pose for medical students learning the muscular system. Good one.

Ok, but seriously how did this happen? I know you want to sympathize with your children from third world countries but lets not get all gun-ho about the food scarcity issue. I seriously think Mercy James has more meat on her arms than her mother. See, this is why I stopped working out…I am choosing to lead by example Madonna; maybe youuuu should do the same. And you know how everyone sucks in when getting their picture snapped? Is she sucking in her arms? Like, does she want them to be vainy and skelator like for the cameras? I’m befuddled.

This may be just the trick I need though to get my neighbor to stop talking to me. There is a man in our building who is probably mid-70s…he wears bejeweled sunglasses that I am fairly certain were a grandchild’s at one point and time. Nice man, however I believe he may be developing a small case of Alzheimer’s. Every day we ride the elevator together (as we are the only two people in the building who do not work) and EVERY DAY we have the same conversation. It goes a little something like this:

Bejeweled Neighbor: You live in the building?

Me: Yup

BN: 4th floor?

Me:  Yup. That’s where the elevator is going. Right next to you.

BN: How do you like that apartment you got there? (as if he now suddenly remembers me)

Me: It’s really nice.

BN: You got a great bathroom there! How about that bathroom…brand new! That’s something

Me: Mmhmm.

Ok, now I don’t want to get too personal but our bathroom is nothing to write home about. Sure, it’s fine…way better than my last apartment where the toilet was literally crooked. Have you ever tried to pee crooked? It’s not fun let me tell you. But this bathroom is like any ordinary bathroom in New York may look like. It has nasty tiles on the floor, a sink, a toilet and a shower. What it is not, is brand new. And if it is…someone should get their money back from the contractor. I don’t dare to venture into BN’s apartment to see what his bathroom facility looks like, but as mystified as he is by my situation, I am guessing his bathroom is nothing more than a chamber pot on the ground. And why he knows my bathroom is sooo great is also beyond me. Stop creeping, BN.

So yes, the next time BN tries to strike up a convo with me yet again, I shall just flash him Madonna’s bag o’ bones…that’ll shut up him.


1 Comment

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One response to “I Just Threw Up in My Mouth

  1. Frances

    At least you have food in your system. Madonna has none, apparently. Maybe you should throw up in HER mouth a little…

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